Ralph and the Dinosaurs

It was my birthday this week, and I’ve got a real treat for you to celebrate: my very first self-motivated foray into fiction-writing! I was about 10 years old when I wrote “Ralph and the Dinosaurs” in one of my school notebooks. It’s a play, which is both unsurprising, given my current projects, and unexpected, considering that I hadn’t yet gotten into theatre at that age. I had parts in mind for myself, my family members, and the other kids on my street.

“Ralph and the Dinosaurs” was never performed, and has never seen the light of day—until now. So enjoy the throwback and my very unpolished (but still hopefully charming) technique.

Characters

• Narrator
• Ralph, a curious little puppy
• King Dinosoar (good, flies, picky)
• Queen Dino (pretty, regal)
• Divas: Di, older, and Va, younger (both vain)
• Jubba, funny court jester
• Little Dinosaurs
• Guards
• Tony the Tornado (gray, loves to spin)
• Maids

Narrator: Once upon a time, there was a puppy named…

Ralph runs on stage.

Ralph: Wait, hey hey hey!

Narrator: What?

Ralph: This is a fairytale?

Narrator: No, why?

Ralph: You started with “once upon a time”.

Narrator: So…?

Ralph: Only fairytales start with “once upon a time”.

Narrator lifts book, points to the top of the page, then sighs.

Narrator: Look. Here. “Once upon a time”.

Ralph: [exiting while speaking] Oh. Never mind, start again. Sorry about that.

Narrator: Ahem. Now, as I was saying, there was a puppy named Ralph. [pause] I SAID, “A PUPPY NAMED RALPH!”

Ralph runs on stage.

Ralph: Sorry, sorry, sorry! Now um, uh, oh yeah! Ahem. Hi.

Ralph waves.

Narrator: [rolling eyes] Weeell, Ralph was an extremely curious little pup, so when he saw a mysterious door…

Ralph: Hey! Look, a door! How mysterious!

Narrator: …he went in.

Ralph goes through the door. The dinosaurs start moving.

Ralph: Whoa! Dinosaurs!!!

Narrator: [talking through the door] That’s the Royal Court.

King Dinosoar: Good Day, Traveler. Who are You and What Brings You to the Court?

Narrator takes the door away.

Ralph: Well um, uh, I um, I mean uh, my name’s Ralph. I came through the door back there.

Ralph gestures with his thumb.

Jubba: Which one?

Ralph: Huh?

Jubba: The one that disappeared?

Ralph: Or…?

Jubba: The other one!

Ralph: Oh. The other one then.

Jubba: WRONG!

Ralph: Wrong?

Jubba: Yep.

Ralph looks confused.

Jubba: The other door is nonexistent!

Ralph: [angrily] WHAT!!??

Queen Dino: Now, now, Ralph.

Narrator: Then one of the littlest dinosaurs started to cry!

Littlest Dinosaur: Waaaah!!

Maids: (ad lib) Oh no! Here! Hungry?

Queen Dino: There, there. What’s wrong?

Narrator: He/she had lost his/her dodo.

Littlest Dinosaur: Dodo’s gone!

Maid: Here it is!

Littlest Dinosaur: Dodo!

Narrator: He/she loved dodo.

Littlest Dinosaur: I love dodo.

Narrator: Now the king summoned two dinosaurs…

King Dinosoar: Di! Va! I summon you!

Di and Va: Coming King Dinasoar!

King Dinosoar: It’s DinOsoar! Anyways, it’s time for you to sing.

Di: Like, we know.

Va: Yeah, we know.

King Dinosoar: Impudence will be punished! Girls, sing a very long song for Ralph the… uh… um…

Ralph: Puppy. I’m a puppy.

King Dinosoar: Right. You two can start singing now.

Di: [singing] We love you Ralph.

Va: [singing] We’re glad you’re here.

Di: [singing] We-e-lcome Ralph,

Va: [singing] To the Royal Court.

Di and Va repeat the song x3.

Ralph: Uh, yeah. I thank you.

Narrator: But just then… A tornado arrived!

Tony jumps out.

Tony: I’m Tony the tornado, and I’m here to blow you away, literally!

Everyone: AAAhhh!!!

Guards: Let’s get him!

Narrator: Then the little dinosaurs started running! Then the maids! There goes Jubba! Queen Dino and…King Dinosoar?

King Dinosoar: DinOsoar! Guards, attack!

Guards: CHARGE!

Narrator: Oh no! Tony Tornado is now chasing everyone! Except the guards. They are chasing Tony. Hey, where’s Ralph? There he is, with the guards!

Ralph: Help!

Narrator: Then Tony picked up Ralph and sent him home. I don’t quite know what happened to the dinosaurs.

Ralph: Me neither.

Dinosaurs: [unseen] RALPH!!!

Ralph and Narrator: Weird.

Narrator: Well, our moral is…

Ralph: If you go through a mysterious door and find yourself in the Royal Court, and Jubba asks you which door you came through, don’t say “the other one”, or you’ll make a fool of yourself. Right?

Voice from backstage: Ralph, dinner!

Ralph: Oh, that’s my mom. Bye! I’ll see you next time.

Narrator: Well, I suppose this is…

Everyone: [coming out] The End!

And there we have it, my first completed work! It’s quite fun reading it again and noticing the techniques that I would keep using and keep refining (also that I had to deus ex machina my way to an ending—typical me!).

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