This is a scene from the play I wrote for my Master's degree in 2022, titled Love's True Servant. I based this play on 17th-century English theatre, particularly Restoration-era comedies, so romance is kind of a big deal. Perfect for Valentine's Day, non?

Some important context for this scene: young CHARLES D'AUBIGNY is making his first attempt to woo the beauteous LUCY ARMSTRONG, having been egged on by his aunt ADELAIDE. Adelaide and her lover MADAME BELLEROSE are (nominally) chaperoning, and Charles is being assisted by his invaluable valet "Anderson", who is really a young lady named ANN in disguise; I'm sure you can guess how that's going to go.

Now that that's out of the way, allons-y!

Act 3, Scene 1

The New Spring Garden

LUCY enters.

Lucy

Oh! Madame Bellerose, Madame D’Aubigny, come look at these splendid roses!

Madame BELLEROSE and ADELAIDE enter, arm in arm.

Bellerose

They are splendid indeed, my dear Lucy! And their scent is utterly delicious. Adelaide, ma chérie, you have come to London at the perfect time. It is like Eden here!

Adelaide

Is it? I would have thought Eden to be less encumbered by petticoats. Besides, mon chaton, what use is a common garden rose next to your beauty?

Bellerose

Adelaide, you somehow grow more charming every time I see you.

Adelaide

I spend all our time apart practicing at my wit. Charles, what is keeping you?

CHARLES nervously enters, with a cushion held in a death-grip. ANN, who is laden with folding stools and more cushions, also enters.

Charles

You might have told me there would be boats, Aunt Adelaide.

Adelaide

And I would have done, if I knew there would be. Who ever heard of a garden only being accessible by boat?

Lucy

I think it’s marvellous! It provides an element of romance, like something from a fable.

Charles

I think it is unnecessary, and I feel ill.

Lucy

You do look pale. The motion was unpleasant, perhaps?

Adelaide

Well, we are here now, so never mind that. Anderson, set the things here. There is a good tree overhead to keep the sun off of us.

Ann

Very good, madame.

Bellerose

Yes, and a distinct absence of loose women. From what Mrs Armstrong told me, I expected them to infest the garden like termites! I am surprised we have not yet run into any.

Lucy

None that we’ve noticed, at least.

Bellerose

Very true; our company has been most diverting.

ANN sets up the stools and cushions. CHARLES and LUCY sit together, as do ADELAIDE and BELLEROSE, with some distance between the pairs.

Lucy

This garden is the perfect backdrop for making love, don’t you think, Monsieur D’Aubigny?

Charles

Well, yes, I suppose. The trees are… good.

A GENTLEMAN enters, nods a greeting to the various members of the party, then exits on the opposite side.

It could be more private, though.

Lucy

Ah, so you are the sort of man that likes to woo ladies without an audience? I do wonder what it is you don’t want anyone else to see.

Charles

I am not that sort of man—I mean to say, rather, that I do not know how I like to woo ladies. I am quite new at it, you see.

Lucy

You have never romanced a woman before?

Charles

Not woman, nor girl, nor anyone else neither.

Lucy

Never at all?

Charles

Not once.

Lucy

How rare in a man.

LUCY begins to toy with Charles’ hair. Meanwhile, ANN quietly exits.

Charles

Is it?

Adelaide

[Aside to Bellerose] Alas, my poor young recluse! At least one of them knows how to do it.

Bellerose

[Aside to Adelaide] Indeed, if anyone can train a clueless lover, it is Lucy Armstrong. I swear I have seen her spurn more unsuitable suitors than she has years behind her.

Adelaide

[Aside to Bellerose] I believe it! She has a great talent for it. I could almost admire her myself.

Bellerose

[Aside to Adelaide] Perhaps, but I would not hear you say so; I am far too jealous.

Adelaide

[Aside to Bellerose] Mon amour, you need not be. I swear I am far more faithful to you than I ever was to any man!

Bellerose

[Aside to Adelaide] Pish, you will need to swear more than that!

Lucy

It is a novel experience for me, taking the man’s part in a courtship.

CHARLES splutters. Meanwhile, ANN returns, holding a rose.

Oh, you need not fear, sir, I only mean that to my knowledge it is usually for the man to provide the experience and steer the conversation, while the lady’s place is to be coy and teasing, and pretend to know nothing of what the gentleman intends. I must admit, I find our reversal… exhilarating.

Charles

Do you?

ANN coughs quietly.

Ann

Monsieur, you mentioned to me earlier that you wished for me to pluck a rose from one of these bushes for Miss Armstrong…

Charles

Did I?

ANN gives Charles a meaningful look.

Oh! Yes! I did. What about it?

Ann

Will this do, sir?

ANN offers Charles the rose in a way that is distinctly, yet unintentionally, romantic.

Charles

Anderson, you are indispensible! That is precisely the rose I need, thank you.

CHARLES takes the rose and presents it to Lucy with a flourish.

An ornament for you, sweet lady, though your beauty needs none.

Adelaide

[Aside to Bellerose] Ah, he may yet rise to the occasion!

Lucy

Why, thank you sir! And the colour suits my dress perfectly; how very thoughtful. Anderson, could you pin this into my hair? It is a bloom worth showing off.

Ann

Certainly, miss.

ANN pins the rose into Lucy’s hair in a fetching manner with little difficulty.

Bellerose

[Aside to Adelaide] Your nephew’s valet is quite a catch, I see.

Adelaide

[Aside to Bellerose] Yes, he is a young man of many talents—including, it appears, hairdressing.

Lucy

You say, sir, that my beauty needs no ornament—I should like to see if you still believe it after seeing me entirely undecorated.

Charles

I am sure, Miss Armstrong, that plain dress would be just as becoming on you as the rich and gaudy gown you currently wear.

LUCY frowns.

Lucy

Hardly fashionable, though! I only had this one made last week.

Charles

Oh, er…

ADELAIDE beckons Ann over to her.

Ann

Yes, madame?

Adelaide

I have a poem here for my nephew. He may find it useful in his efforts; I certainly have in my own.

ADELAIDE gives Ann a paper with the poem on it.

Ann

An excellent idea, madame. I daresay he could use some… encouragement.

Charles

Anderson!

Ann

Yes, monsieur?

Charles

[Aside to Ann] I am somewhat bewildered by the turn my conversation with Miss Armstrong has taken. What should I do?

Lucy

Even the fairest bloom, sir, may wither from lack of attention.

Ann

[Aside to Charles] Your aunt, sir, recommends this.

ANN hands Charles the poem.

Charles

Ah! Many thanks, Anderson. Miss Armstrong?
Lorsque pressé de mon devoir,
Je veux t'offrir une guirlande,
Ta beauté m'ôte le pouvoir
D'accomplir ce qu'il me commande;
Ce qui te la fait mériter
Empêche que tu ne l'obtiennes,
Ton beau teint ne peut supporter
D'autres merveilles que les siennes¹

Lucy

That sounds beautiful, Monsieur D’Aubigny, but I regrettably cannot understand a word of French.

Charles

Oh. Give me one moment, and I shall translate.

Adelaide

[Aside to Bellerose] Not understand French! What sort of education are girls receiving these days?

Bellerose

[Aside to Adelaide] Well, I thought it was an excellent poem.

Adelaide

[Aside to Bellerose] As I recall, you thought so the last time you heard it, as well.

Charles

I have it now:
When in a hurry of my duty
I want to offer you a garland,
Your beauty robs me of the power
To accomplish what it commands me;
What makes you deserve it
Prevents you from obtaining it,
Your beautiful complexion cannot support
Other wonders than hers.

LUCY laughs.

Lucy

Oh, it’s a poem, how old-fashioned! You are full of surprises, Monsieur D’Aubigny.

Adelaide

[Aside to Bellerose] And poetry old-fashioned too! Mon chaton, I am giving up.

ANN whispers in Charles’ ear.

Charles

A very good point, Anderson. Miss Armstrong, would you and Madame Bellerose like to join my aunt and me for dinner tomorrow night?

Lucy

Yes, I think we can manage that. I’m sure Madame Bellerose will jump at the chance.

There is the sound of a distant commotion offstage.

Oh no, here come the whores hunting for their next meal. We should move on before they finish gnawing upon the bones of that poor gentleman.

The others assent to this, and they all pack up and exit.

1 The poem is an extract from “Les Soucis et les Pensées”, written by Claude de Malleville.